S o p h i e A p p e l —

I HAVE A SERIOUS QUESTION

I have a serious question 

What’s the difference between reading the time and putting all of your fingers into my mouth? 

I couldn’t remember the word for Juvenile seagulls so I kept calling them amateur seagulls 

“We’re all just trying to find ways to entertain ourselves”

“Yes” I say, for example I’m watching a documentary about 9/11

“Yes” I say, for example who is becoming a tool in the hands of the devil?

Is it me? Is it you? 

Realistically, it is us, 

realistically 

Then while watching this documentary about 9/11, 

He asked me what my favorite food is and then I start to cry 

Can you imagine being asked “what is your favorite food?”

I take the gold from your mouth and put it in mine and then I swallow it 

I make huge waves in the sea, waves larger than my body should be able to create 

I make them with my hands 

I carry every bird I see to you and I leave it at your doorstep 

I forget everything I’ve been told by doctors 

I forget everything I’ve been told by anyone 

I bring you pieces of the rock I was born inside of 

I walk you through my house through my animals through my doorways and empty dinner tables 

Only after I’ve taken a plate of food to bed 

I can show you the television 

show you the 99 marijuana plants my dad made us all get club cards for 

so each of us could have 11 plants and the extra, now why would the police care about something like that? 

I see three preteen boys all riding one bicycle together down a hill in San Francisco 

and I think, 

this is what makes an adult man, 

this is the very thing and how lucky are we to witness something like this, 

this is it and I’m one of two people in the entire world to see it so then I think this is why 

we have to leave the wolves to unbecoming dogs 

Listening to surf music, I should start surfing I think 

I should take the laundry out of the dryer I think, 

and I shouldn’t dry my clothes in the dryer anyway I know it destroys them 

But it’s a thrill to destroy things 

so I place my expensive lace bras and underwear into the dryer and I hit the start button 

and imagine the elastic inside their seams starting to pull apart, 

I imagine them losing their elasticity and becoming a flaccid unusable mess of lace

I have a serious question 

I take the time from your hands and place it inside my cheek 

I pull the watch from your wrist and clasp it to the tree branch

I pull out your gray hairs and place them at the top of my head 

I write with ballpoint pen on the back of my hand the words deception, illusion, and consider  

I look at them and I see a movie appear playing on the back of my hands starring 

my childhood dog buddy, Jessica Simpson, Carmen Electra, and Aaron Carter about a fishing trip

I watch the entire movie and by the end of it I am healed of my desire 

so I say thank you and turn back to the tree to look at the time but 

the watch doesn’t work any longer and you are gone 

so I leave it behind on the tree and walk toward the beach,

I walk for a very long time 

.